Moving?

talk about being stagnant. this blog hasn't been posted on for quite some time.

lately i've been thinking about doing the multiply thing but i don't know... that'll mean time spent to do stuff i usually do here. the inviting part there was yes, the privacy option. anyways come to think of it, why the hell does one post on the internet if one doesn't want it to be shared? i'll think about this later. been thinking what username to use since someone took my username noooh!

anyways, it's fun to blog again. it's kinda cool too to be on my laptop tapping away while i'm leeching on my company's wifi connection harhar. something good for a change. too bad i can't bittorrent here.

i'm looking forward to going home after dinner with linds. time form some titan quest immortal throne! i was getting pissed for a couple of days already. finally getting my laptop and then arrive home, fall asleep and waste an evening of gaming. my job is making me toooooo tired for any hobbies at all. hopefully tonight will be different.

my fish tank is also getting a lot of moss growth due to my neglecting to change the water for a month already. damned typhoon fucked up the water supply. i hope miwd does something about this. good thing my fish is surviving. my 15" ornate is doing fine thanks to a good supply of pieces of meat i give the little guy.

anyways, i'm getting lazy again. still thinking about that multiply thing. will think about that again later. till next blog post... (in the next few months?)

carpe noctem

Too much of not enough...

nothing like spending a friday night reminiscing, and reminding one's self about why i quit using public pc's to access the net. two words could sum up my frustration: ACCESS DENIED. this shitty thing they call security is really getting to my nerves. so much for going online, i can't even usb my fricking flash drive. i miss my mobile apps!

ok enough of the griping.

plans for THE PROJECT has started. i'm planning to name it Project Stepping Stone but oh well, like i have already proposed that name to the team. a first brainstorming session has been done, over pizza of course. a group name has been decided, and logo designs are underway. what's next? maybe develop a nice portal for the team and look for a few projects as well? harhar high hopes.

still sucks sitting here not being able to be sure if my accounts and other stuff will be safe from phishing. pah-fee-sheeng! i sure hope that i can put to mind that the accounts i'm using now are expendable. no very special stuff here for me. there must be a big ass sign outside that reads "login at your own risk!". come to think of it, a lot of people get victimized because they are just soooo not careful. "look i'm logging in to my email address, oh time for me to go, leave the pc without logging out!" there you have it. people with "unhealthy online habits". i guess you can kiss your email account goodbye, plus the added risk that your account might be used for errr... not so nice reasons.

ah nevermind them, just as long as mine are safe!

and she's reading my blog!

Requiem for today!

dual weilding predator!!! SWEEET

Musings of the payroll guy

ahh, just got back from the beach...

guess what we did? we slept the whole time we were there... must've been that tire or bored or something...

it's been a loooooooong time since i've been making entries on this blog. i wonder if i still have the time to make it an effort to write garbled messages here. i'm thinking of closing this down and opening up a new one. we'll see about that.

i must say that this is the first time that i have logged in a public pc in a net cafe for a long time. i guess i must be this bored or the connection at home must be that slow. i'm still waiting for the miracle of dsl getting to my place. till then, i'll suffer with the super fast speed of a whopping 56k. yearggg!

so far it's been a nice time. summing up all the good and the bad, i think the good outweighs the bad by just an ounce.

the year's about to end and i've come to think about that has happened this past year. so far i've made no conclusions, just thoughts of the collective events that have plagued me these past 11 months.

i just remembered that i just can't stand the thought of being beside someone tapping away on her keyboard on the net and i'm just watching. this is why i logged in today. linds is making herself busy with her friendster account and a few minutes back i was just killing time, musing myself with the pc's flickering led power light. i just couldn't take it anymore. i called up the attendant and logged myself beside her pc. hehehe

what else... where was i?

say, i did mention sometime ago that i was planning to put up another blog about my so called coding practices and projects. maybe i will get the time to do it soon yehey! also that blog about my aquarium projects... oh well..

so far linds is still busy so i'll just tap away here...

we have an upcoming project (free lance!), doing a webby for a cool resort somewhere in panay. we'll see if we do get that prospect so we do can something in our spare time, and make some MONEY!

enough for now, i'm having coder's block hahaha...

carpe noctem!

Moving on..

it has been more than a year...

time for me to move on with my life...

move on with a new chapter...

put me to sleep, evil angel...

carpe noctem...

It's about time

my my my, where have i been?

i think this blog needs a revamp of some sort. work's been killing me, and i really really need a vacation. i wonder if i'll get to have the money to finance any sort of trip... tralalala

i've been gone for more than a month now, well, gone from my blog that is. my usual routine nowadays is when i arrive at home from work, cool down from stress, take a shower, sleep and then go back to work. talk about the monotony of this...

carpe diem!

Finally, but yet again...

i'm back! back and black, well my arms and feet are anyway. i just spent the last weekend on a not so remote island. not so remote because it's not that far from the city, but remote in terms of the lack of basic amenities on that place. man, that getaway really invigorated my spirit. having that sandbar all to ourselves was really fun. i'm hoping and crossing my fingers that some time soon i'll be able to return there and relax. sleeping under a tree was very relaxing, even being rained on that night wasn't a bother. ok... i'm really lazy as of now so i guess i'll just add a few more words later. carpe noctem for now.

This is it...

talk about being frustrated in one's life...

Lost...

staying the whole saturday inside my room, and not going out is driving me insane. i must do something tomorrow.

well i am going out in the morning, and i hope it'll be enough to satisfy this craving to go out yearg!

i'm lagged for two weeks in terms of blogging. ive been too tired to even turn on my pc when i arrive home from work. hopefull the coming week will be more entertaining than the one that passed by.

what's next?

Not just saying sorry

i can't really think of what to write. i'm explain better verbally, but due to some circumstances, i'm stuck with just typing away my thoughts here.

lately, i've been happily posting tapping my nearly broken keyboard for a few blog entries. little did i know that what i've written was going to cause unforseen effects. i didn't mean for that to happen, and i feel bad about that. although that "thing" might not be taken back, i promise to do my best to make up for the things i have caused. i am sorry for the idea, and pray that one of these days, i might atone for what i have carelessly written.

i don't know that to say anymore...

(edit this later)

The end of all things to come...

we'll see what happens...

will this be the end of me? fortunate if the end means a new beginning for me. hoping for a new something. i've had it with this sick, monotonous life of mine. it has been a routine, really. no more "spice", if you get what i mean.

this is the part where i usually clamor for a vacation at a remote place, probably at a beach, under coconut trees, feeling the ocean breeze gently caressing my face... (choir singing). or maybe swinging on a hammock, sharing it with someone special (wishful thinking is not a crime!), enjoying every second with each other... ok that's it. i've become delirious.

reason: i've slept for only a total of 9 hours for the past three days. big whoop! that's 9 ouf of 72. do the math, is that even normal? i think if i keep on going like this, i'll be a good candidate for the lead role in machinist 2. hahaha... ever seen that movie?

ok, back to the beach wish. i keep on thinking about that place where the movie "the beach" was filmed. it'd be nice if i could go there. it'd be even nice if someone would go with me hehehe... all expense paid trip, on me. ok here we go again. first of all, where in this green earth would i find the money (legally that is)? my job is sooo hard, and the compensation's not that great. at this rate, i'd be too old enough to enjoy the trip. there's no charge to hope... maybe i'll look inside pandora's box and see if it's still there.

I NEED A BREAK!

in two month's time, i'll be receiving a new set of leave credits from work. i'm hoping, hoping and crossing my fingers and toes that i can scrounge up enough green stuff to make this wish push through, no lamp rubbing action this time. down aladdin! i pray that i'll have somebody to spend it with too... tralalalala...

ok, that's it it for now i guess... now i'm wondering... what has the title have to do with the contents of this entry? must've been wasted sleepwise, i'm not even sure if this post makes some sense.

time for me to catch up on some much needed sleep. like i said, sleep brings relief for me. i'm looking forward to a new day, a new beginning, and a new chance in this swirling black hole of doom, also known as my life's depression. do i need anti depressants? maybe i'll swing by my company's doctor's clinic and have a nice looooong chat with her.

carpe noctem for now.

Dependence is sh*t...

i need a companion, someone who will always be there for me, yadda yadda. but the truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect "i'll always be by your side companion". it's only a figment of my deranged imagination. is it the hunger to be with somebody? to have somebody or to talk to somebody? i think one of these days, i'll get myself a robot. hmm...

reality check please!

it's pretty hard losing somebody that you've been with for quite some time. ok, let's make that a couple of years. ok, nearly four then. the hick part of the deal is, there's really no assurance that the person you are with will be there forever. that or i've stopped believing in that idea. boy, am i bitter. no one to blame but myself for this feeling. maybe i'll just say, shit happens, and yes, i really stepped on a big mound of it.

i'd honestly want to say that i am independent, but i'd be lying. ok, dependent on some stuff. but i really need a confidant, a true friend, someone i'd trust myself into. it's hard to find someone like that, and when i finally do, there'd be some thing or reason that'll take that person away from me. i've had experienced one too many of this already. now it seems i'm walking down that road again.

this might be a chance to develop MPD.

hehehe, that'd be nice. i'd also be labeled insane, naturally.

hmm i wonder what brought this on. maybe i'm just stressed out, and i'm running away from the problem. instead of solving it, i'm taking the easy way out. maybe one of these days, i'll come up with an answer to this.

i hate this feeling!

the ache in my heart is back again. can this be surgically removed?

ok, too much depression for this entry. i'm really pounding the keyboard disturbingly hard, maybe thinking this might take out the depression, turn it into aggression, and get myself a new keyboard. maybe this act of stupidity will cost me around 500 pesos.

i need to get my head cleared up. if only it were a hard drive, i'd swipe a magnet over it and presto! clean slate on my head.

carpe noctem for now, and may my dreams (wait i don't dream)... anyway...

Sleep brings relief...

another chapter of my so called professional existence is about to be opened: night shift... hmm, i wonder if i can omit the F in shift hehehe...

maybe i'll just gripe here later... or for the better part of this day... i don't know, maybe i'm slightly brain dead, or if not, my brain cells have been fried extra crispy...

it's been a frustrating week with a lot of revelations. even if i say to myself that i don't care or i'm not affected anymore about something, all those stuff eventually pile up on me will have their toll too. the question is, where will that be on, my health? my head or err... where else?

sleeping might be a temporary solution, although of course when i wake up, the problem will still be there, staring at me in the face. the sandman's powers are no much for reality, but then, i might pay good money just to enjoy that temporary relief.

dreaming would be nice too. unfortunately, it has been quite sometime since i had a dream. i wonder what's the cause of that. there's this mystical place where i could be happy for even a short while, and i'd wish that on my dreamland.

am i making sense?

maybe the noise of the rain on our roof is disturbing my way of thinking right now. that's it dude, blame it on mother nature. maybe i just can't think straight.

there's been a lot of what if's clogging my head these past couple of days. the kind of what if's that give me a headache when i have futile attempts to answer them.

maybe it's just time for me to sleep...

carpe noctem for now. (i'll edit this thought later)

Always the rebel...

what can i say? weell... actually a lot, but editing out the profanities and the likes, here it is:

i am a rebel, always swimming against the flow.

remember that saying, "only dead fish swim with the flow"? i for one, am not a dead, scaly and soon to be somebody's seafood dinner.

why? i don't easily conform to the ideals and ways of thinking of the "masses". what some find exciting, i might find boring, useless and the usual thought of "i'd be better off doing something or nothing at all". what's right or normal to other's do not appear quite the same to me.

i'm not exactly sure when this rebel heart in me got rooted into myself. but i can remember my mum telling me when i was a wee youngster, "always stay true to youself, think independently, and do not be easily swayed by your peers". yahoo! and say goodbye to peer pressure.

over the years, i've assimilated (been playing starcraft again haven't we?) into my circle a couple of like minded folks. we share the same ideals, about this rebel thing. this "inner circle" of mine, we have been a tightly knit group as i am proud to say. we always think when it comes to being rebels "why, do we really have to do this and that to please another person?", or "let them do it because they like it, but we don't have to follow them as well". hmmm i heard there's a radical religion group recruiting nowadays... hahaha just kidding.

holy, it's 10 in the morning and i'm blogging? awfully bored? nyahaha...

i haven't given much thought as to why i had this impulse to write about my inner rebellion. it must've been triggered by certain factors at work, especially that "attendance will be checked" crap over at some party. now somebody please tell me, why should attendance be checked? it's not a friggin working day, it's my day off for cryin' out loud. "if you won't attend, we'll do this and this and that'll happen", i've had enough of this since my college days. "the teacher's absent today so we won't have a class, please write you name here in the paper for the attendance". WTF? we don't have a class and you're checking attendance? please! we're all professionals here, can't you do something like convince people to attend with a good reason? WE are not in preschool and elementary anymore! geez, how can some people not see that. ok maybe some people got affected and scared by that threat hahaha... ok maybe, they are so called professionals, but with preschool attitudes? hahaha, kudos to you for entertaining my boring weekend then. suckers...

look mommy! they're suiting up and going to the prom for the very first time hahaha...

carpe noctem for now.

Lost in thought...

ahh, nothing to start a month with a blog entry for the "mentally disturbed".

i just took a few days off from blogging. realizing that this blog was simply conceived from extreme boredom, i have been neglecting it since, *ahem* i wasn't bored for quite some time now. well, not until now that is. so where did that "so called thing that kept me busy over the past few weeks" go?

maybe i just need a break... again?

hiatus mode for the blog... (who am i kidding?)

lately, i can't seem to get my thoughts together. is work really that toxic? am i turning green? or maybe there's another reason, and even though i know what or who that is, maybe i'm just too chicken to admit it to myself. i need a brain defrag!

put me to sleep evil angel...

carpe noctem

What happened last month?

huh?

Evil angel

this is a song by the group within temptation:

as i listened to the song, i wondered. i might have had a few angels of my own... just like the one in the song... enjoy reading... and to my angels, i ask: "what happened to your wings?"

Sparkling angel I believe
You were my savior in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
No mercy no more.
No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
It doesn't give you a reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

alas, i believe that all things do come to an end, and my time with my angels did too.

carpe noctem.

The day of mourning: recap

why is it that i think every year, my day gets worse than ever? i have this brooding feeling deep inside of me. it doesn't make any sense, as i have no idea what's the cause of this dark manifestation. every year, it's there. it's like an annual deep penance of some sort.

there are usually three parts to this so called uh, depression. the calm, the storm and the rainbow. i wonder if the third one actually arrives. it's one mental storm after another.

through the years, i've gotten used to the fact that my life is normal when there's something bothering me. i find it weird that i'll have a day without a problem, some kind of frustration, or any other negative feeling. that's just the way it is with me i guess. i wonder where this is leading to. i have one guess though: mental breakdown!

nothing like spending your birthday alone eh? well not alone physically, but maybe emotionally. most greetings are like empty shells, beautiful on the outside but with a void inside. after the greeting, it's gone. i'd like to point out that some weren't though. those are from people who cared about this lost soul, people who, have one way or another influenced, swayed, and changed the course of my life.

nah, it just must've been one of my days... i don't feel like writing much tonight so carpe noctem for now.

Total negligence?

so much for my plans of making my "fish" blog. work's taking over my life again yearrgg! anyway, i guess i'll never have a REAL rest from it unless i get sick, go blind, disabled or something. what a grisly thought, but i'll keep that in mind heheh.

a recap of my uh... so called weekend:

i've been thinking about getting myself a little something for my birthday. it's coming up in a few days and what better way to spoil myself than to get something hmmm "slightly expensive", something of use to me. how about... a small sling bag/pouch to store all my everyday stuff (mp3 player, cellphone, flash drive, rechargeable batteries). the truth is, i had one about a year ago and i cherished that bag (sentimental value). sadly, for no apparent reason, it, and the other stuff that were given to me by a certain someone, broke. ironic, but i must not stray off to another topic harhar. that's another story, so back to the bag thing. i talked to kitty last week and she suggested a brand, so off i went to the mall last sunday and looked for that bag. along with my pal zemperor, i browsed at the bags on display. grinning as i saw the big ass sign saying SALE, i continued checking out for a particular brand. (i'll write more about this later?)

i don't feel like writing my head out today...

it's as if... nah...

must be the stress, the pressure, the eystrain... i need a shrink!... "vhot do you see in ze picture?" or, "so tell me... vhot comes in to your mind vhen i say... ". hmm all these insanity will come to an end eventually. maybe all i need is something to bring me back to the real world harhar (phil. volley team spike?) nyahaha... whoops... ok too much info! yearggg! brain overload...

please excuse me for ranting, but what's this blog for anyway? maybe it's time to stop ranting and move to griping hehe..

anyway, tonight's kinda slow. i'm happy to say that my little minnow of an arowana is finally eating superworms. no more sleepless nights thinking that my new acquisition might be floating in the fish tank the next day due to starvation. my ornate dragonfin is doing well too.

hmmm...

say, i'm back to my old hobby of reading novels whee! zemperor and i were digging over at a used books store and we hit paydirt! two magic: the gathering novels (which i consider very rare), the shattered alliance and onslaught. this could only mean one thing: bookworm mode on! i have this "i don't stop reading 'till i finish the book" character and boy, i'm going to feel the effect sleep loss again. geek-o! whoopee, waitaminnit, who borrowed my nemesis novel? wahhh. i guess i'll be hitting the bookstores again next weekend , who knows what i'll find (hopefully that nintendo game guide i saw, guaranteed uber classic).

i'll cut short my entry today, i have to get back to my book hehehe...

carpe noctem for now. where's my captain bawang?

Thish ish shparta!

what can i say... my pal king leonidas had some irish accent in him lol... more to come... just being lazy again. this has no place in spartan society so... timeout for now...

ok here comes the continuation!

look! body partsh flying around! a jab here, a jab there... harhar

i didn't allow for the chance to pass not to watch that movie, thank goodness i'm in day shift these days. logging out at exactly 6:01pm and rushing to the mall to watch the bloodbath really paid off. watching the killing was really a relaxing experience... maybe i was passively thinking that the same should be done to some people at work hehehe... hmm death by phalanx... i wonder if i could round up a couple of people who share the my sentiment... woooppsie!

i must say that they really grabbed that movie out of the novel itself. i came upon a blog a few weeks ago and it really compared the scenes and the novel pages, the similarity was hmmm in a mr. burns manner of saying "excellent" (rubbing hands together).

another thing i must point out, everything was in wooosh! fast-transition- wuuush... slow-mo... sort of like a "the matrix" style of movement. that really accentuated the violence... hmm and event the oracle's dance harharhar... and that... other scene... you know.

going back to violence, spartans really are bred for war. that part where they were killing off wounded persians while king leo was munching on an apple? very nice. it was if as though killing was a norm for them. "we've been sharing our culture with you this morning", nyahaha. tough as they were, the portrayals of those spartan boys brought them out as, hmm slightly arrogant. oh well, they did have the fighting prowess so i guess they earned the bragging rights.

by the way, what's with xerxes and the deep voice, body like a giant's, that attitude? soooo faggoty. that' a "god-king"? more like a gay king... anyways, he should have been this ruthless war-like king whatever, not that kind of uh, big guy but weakling thing.

the movie was slightly short, basing on the war scenes, so i'm hoping there'll be like 10,000 movie where the rest of the spartan army kicked persian behind. how about the other resulting battles? it's period movie season anyway so why not make a continuation or something?

by the way, 300 just kicked off gladiator as my all time blood spewing, limb dismembering, gut wrenching, and all other kinds of violence movie. woohooo kudos to the spartans.

will there be a celebrity deathmatch episode featuring maximus vs. king leonidas? that'd be soooo sweet. i'm crossing my fingers and toes for this. maybe i'll be given the privilege to witness this spectacle one of these days.

when's 300's dvd coming out? i want to get one hehehe...

fyi: somebody told me 300 wasn't gory enough. hmmm is that true or ehem, that somebody's violence level is just off the roof harhar.

ok the wait's over, i've watched the film. time to move on to the next movie, tranformers, coming july so.. only a few months more whoppee!!! i sure hope mr bay knows what he's doing. please, no blasphemy.

ok... this is carpe noctem, see you on july for the next uh... movie review.