Dependence is sh*t...

i need a companion, someone who will always be there for me, yadda yadda. but the truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect "i'll always be by your side companion". it's only a figment of my deranged imagination. is it the hunger to be with somebody? to have somebody or to talk to somebody? i think one of these days, i'll get myself a robot. hmm...

reality check please!

it's pretty hard losing somebody that you've been with for quite some time. ok, let's make that a couple of years. ok, nearly four then. the hick part of the deal is, there's really no assurance that the person you are with will be there forever. that or i've stopped believing in that idea. boy, am i bitter. no one to blame but myself for this feeling. maybe i'll just say, shit happens, and yes, i really stepped on a big mound of it.

i'd honestly want to say that i am independent, but i'd be lying. ok, dependent on some stuff. but i really need a confidant, a true friend, someone i'd trust myself into. it's hard to find someone like that, and when i finally do, there'd be some thing or reason that'll take that person away from me. i've had experienced one too many of this already. now it seems i'm walking down that road again.

this might be a chance to develop MPD.

hehehe, that'd be nice. i'd also be labeled insane, naturally.

hmm i wonder what brought this on. maybe i'm just stressed out, and i'm running away from the problem. instead of solving it, i'm taking the easy way out. maybe one of these days, i'll come up with an answer to this.

i hate this feeling!

the ache in my heart is back again. can this be surgically removed?

ok, too much depression for this entry. i'm really pounding the keyboard disturbingly hard, maybe thinking this might take out the depression, turn it into aggression, and get myself a new keyboard. maybe this act of stupidity will cost me around 500 pesos.

i need to get my head cleared up. if only it were a hard drive, i'd swipe a magnet over it and presto! clean slate on my head.

carpe noctem for now, and may my dreams (wait i don't dream)... anyway...