Musings of the payroll guy

ahh, just got back from the beach...

guess what we did? we slept the whole time we were there... must've been that tire or bored or something...

it's been a loooooooong time since i've been making entries on this blog. i wonder if i still have the time to make it an effort to write garbled messages here. i'm thinking of closing this down and opening up a new one. we'll see about that.

i must say that this is the first time that i have logged in a public pc in a net cafe for a long time. i guess i must be this bored or the connection at home must be that slow. i'm still waiting for the miracle of dsl getting to my place. till then, i'll suffer with the super fast speed of a whopping 56k. yearggg!

so far it's been a nice time. summing up all the good and the bad, i think the good outweighs the bad by just an ounce.

the year's about to end and i've come to think about that has happened this past year. so far i've made no conclusions, just thoughts of the collective events that have plagued me these past 11 months.

i just remembered that i just can't stand the thought of being beside someone tapping away on her keyboard on the net and i'm just watching. this is why i logged in today. linds is making herself busy with her friendster account and a few minutes back i was just killing time, musing myself with the pc's flickering led power light. i just couldn't take it anymore. i called up the attendant and logged myself beside her pc. hehehe

what else... where was i?

say, i did mention sometime ago that i was planning to put up another blog about my so called coding practices and projects. maybe i will get the time to do it soon yehey! also that blog about my aquarium projects... oh well..

so far linds is still busy so i'll just tap away here...

we have an upcoming project (free lance!), doing a webby for a cool resort somewhere in panay. we'll see if we do get that prospect so we do can something in our spare time, and make some MONEY!

enough for now, i'm having coder's block hahaha...

carpe noctem!

Moving on..

it has been more than a year...

time for me to move on with my life...

move on with a new chapter...

put me to sleep, evil angel...

carpe noctem...

It's about time

my my my, where have i been?

i think this blog needs a revamp of some sort. work's been killing me, and i really really need a vacation. i wonder if i'll get to have the money to finance any sort of trip... tralalala

i've been gone for more than a month now, well, gone from my blog that is. my usual routine nowadays is when i arrive at home from work, cool down from stress, take a shower, sleep and then go back to work. talk about the monotony of this...

carpe diem!

Finally, but yet again...

i'm back! back and black, well my arms and feet are anyway. i just spent the last weekend on a not so remote island. not so remote because it's not that far from the city, but remote in terms of the lack of basic amenities on that place. man, that getaway really invigorated my spirit. having that sandbar all to ourselves was really fun. i'm hoping and crossing my fingers that some time soon i'll be able to return there and relax. sleeping under a tree was very relaxing, even being rained on that night wasn't a bother. ok... i'm really lazy as of now so i guess i'll just add a few more words later. carpe noctem for now.

This is it...

talk about being frustrated in one's life...

Lost...

staying the whole saturday inside my room, and not going out is driving me insane. i must do something tomorrow.

well i am going out in the morning, and i hope it'll be enough to satisfy this craving to go out yearg!

i'm lagged for two weeks in terms of blogging. ive been too tired to even turn on my pc when i arrive home from work. hopefull the coming week will be more entertaining than the one that passed by.

what's next?

Not just saying sorry

i can't really think of what to write. i'm explain better verbally, but due to some circumstances, i'm stuck with just typing away my thoughts here.

lately, i've been happily posting tapping my nearly broken keyboard for a few blog entries. little did i know that what i've written was going to cause unforseen effects. i didn't mean for that to happen, and i feel bad about that. although that "thing" might not be taken back, i promise to do my best to make up for the things i have caused. i am sorry for the idea, and pray that one of these days, i might atone for what i have carelessly written.

i don't know that to say anymore...

(edit this later)

The end of all things to come...

we'll see what happens...

will this be the end of me? fortunate if the end means a new beginning for me. hoping for a new something. i've had it with this sick, monotonous life of mine. it has been a routine, really. no more "spice", if you get what i mean.

this is the part where i usually clamor for a vacation at a remote place, probably at a beach, under coconut trees, feeling the ocean breeze gently caressing my face... (choir singing). or maybe swinging on a hammock, sharing it with someone special (wishful thinking is not a crime!), enjoying every second with each other... ok that's it. i've become delirious.

reason: i've slept for only a total of 9 hours for the past three days. big whoop! that's 9 ouf of 72. do the math, is that even normal? i think if i keep on going like this, i'll be a good candidate for the lead role in machinist 2. hahaha... ever seen that movie?

ok, back to the beach wish. i keep on thinking about that place where the movie "the beach" was filmed. it'd be nice if i could go there. it'd be even nice if someone would go with me hehehe... all expense paid trip, on me. ok here we go again. first of all, where in this green earth would i find the money (legally that is)? my job is sooo hard, and the compensation's not that great. at this rate, i'd be too old enough to enjoy the trip. there's no charge to hope... maybe i'll look inside pandora's box and see if it's still there.

I NEED A BREAK!

in two month's time, i'll be receiving a new set of leave credits from work. i'm hoping, hoping and crossing my fingers and toes that i can scrounge up enough green stuff to make this wish push through, no lamp rubbing action this time. down aladdin! i pray that i'll have somebody to spend it with too... tralalalala...

ok, that's it it for now i guess... now i'm wondering... what has the title have to do with the contents of this entry? must've been wasted sleepwise, i'm not even sure if this post makes some sense.

time for me to catch up on some much needed sleep. like i said, sleep brings relief for me. i'm looking forward to a new day, a new beginning, and a new chance in this swirling black hole of doom, also known as my life's depression. do i need anti depressants? maybe i'll swing by my company's doctor's clinic and have a nice looooong chat with her.

carpe noctem for now.

Dependence is sh*t...

i need a companion, someone who will always be there for me, yadda yadda. but the truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect "i'll always be by your side companion". it's only a figment of my deranged imagination. is it the hunger to be with somebody? to have somebody or to talk to somebody? i think one of these days, i'll get myself a robot. hmm...

reality check please!

it's pretty hard losing somebody that you've been with for quite some time. ok, let's make that a couple of years. ok, nearly four then. the hick part of the deal is, there's really no assurance that the person you are with will be there forever. that or i've stopped believing in that idea. boy, am i bitter. no one to blame but myself for this feeling. maybe i'll just say, shit happens, and yes, i really stepped on a big mound of it.

i'd honestly want to say that i am independent, but i'd be lying. ok, dependent on some stuff. but i really need a confidant, a true friend, someone i'd trust myself into. it's hard to find someone like that, and when i finally do, there'd be some thing or reason that'll take that person away from me. i've had experienced one too many of this already. now it seems i'm walking down that road again.

this might be a chance to develop MPD.

hehehe, that'd be nice. i'd also be labeled insane, naturally.

hmm i wonder what brought this on. maybe i'm just stressed out, and i'm running away from the problem. instead of solving it, i'm taking the easy way out. maybe one of these days, i'll come up with an answer to this.

i hate this feeling!

the ache in my heart is back again. can this be surgically removed?

ok, too much depression for this entry. i'm really pounding the keyboard disturbingly hard, maybe thinking this might take out the depression, turn it into aggression, and get myself a new keyboard. maybe this act of stupidity will cost me around 500 pesos.

i need to get my head cleared up. if only it were a hard drive, i'd swipe a magnet over it and presto! clean slate on my head.

carpe noctem for now, and may my dreams (wait i don't dream)... anyway...

Sleep brings relief...

another chapter of my so called professional existence is about to be opened: night shift... hmm, i wonder if i can omit the F in shift hehehe...

maybe i'll just gripe here later... or for the better part of this day... i don't know, maybe i'm slightly brain dead, or if not, my brain cells have been fried extra crispy...

it's been a frustrating week with a lot of revelations. even if i say to myself that i don't care or i'm not affected anymore about something, all those stuff eventually pile up on me will have their toll too. the question is, where will that be on, my health? my head or err... where else?

sleeping might be a temporary solution, although of course when i wake up, the problem will still be there, staring at me in the face. the sandman's powers are no much for reality, but then, i might pay good money just to enjoy that temporary relief.

dreaming would be nice too. unfortunately, it has been quite sometime since i had a dream. i wonder what's the cause of that. there's this mystical place where i could be happy for even a short while, and i'd wish that on my dreamland.

am i making sense?

maybe the noise of the rain on our roof is disturbing my way of thinking right now. that's it dude, blame it on mother nature. maybe i just can't think straight.

there's been a lot of what if's clogging my head these past couple of days. the kind of what if's that give me a headache when i have futile attempts to answer them.

maybe it's just time for me to sleep...

carpe noctem for now. (i'll edit this thought later)

Always the rebel...

what can i say? weell... actually a lot, but editing out the profanities and the likes, here it is:

i am a rebel, always swimming against the flow.

remember that saying, "only dead fish swim with the flow"? i for one, am not a dead, scaly and soon to be somebody's seafood dinner.

why? i don't easily conform to the ideals and ways of thinking of the "masses". what some find exciting, i might find boring, useless and the usual thought of "i'd be better off doing something or nothing at all". what's right or normal to other's do not appear quite the same to me.

i'm not exactly sure when this rebel heart in me got rooted into myself. but i can remember my mum telling me when i was a wee youngster, "always stay true to youself, think independently, and do not be easily swayed by your peers". yahoo! and say goodbye to peer pressure.

over the years, i've assimilated (been playing starcraft again haven't we?) into my circle a couple of like minded folks. we share the same ideals, about this rebel thing. this "inner circle" of mine, we have been a tightly knit group as i am proud to say. we always think when it comes to being rebels "why, do we really have to do this and that to please another person?", or "let them do it because they like it, but we don't have to follow them as well". hmmm i heard there's a radical religion group recruiting nowadays... hahaha just kidding.

holy, it's 10 in the morning and i'm blogging? awfully bored? nyahaha...

i haven't given much thought as to why i had this impulse to write about my inner rebellion. it must've been triggered by certain factors at work, especially that "attendance will be checked" crap over at some party. now somebody please tell me, why should attendance be checked? it's not a friggin working day, it's my day off for cryin' out loud. "if you won't attend, we'll do this and this and that'll happen", i've had enough of this since my college days. "the teacher's absent today so we won't have a class, please write you name here in the paper for the attendance". WTF? we don't have a class and you're checking attendance? please! we're all professionals here, can't you do something like convince people to attend with a good reason? WE are not in preschool and elementary anymore! geez, how can some people not see that. ok maybe some people got affected and scared by that threat hahaha... ok maybe, they are so called professionals, but with preschool attitudes? hahaha, kudos to you for entertaining my boring weekend then. suckers...

look mommy! they're suiting up and going to the prom for the very first time hahaha...

carpe noctem for now.

Lost in thought...

ahh, nothing to start a month with a blog entry for the "mentally disturbed".

i just took a few days off from blogging. realizing that this blog was simply conceived from extreme boredom, i have been neglecting it since, *ahem* i wasn't bored for quite some time now. well, not until now that is. so where did that "so called thing that kept me busy over the past few weeks" go?

maybe i just need a break... again?

hiatus mode for the blog... (who am i kidding?)

lately, i can't seem to get my thoughts together. is work really that toxic? am i turning green? or maybe there's another reason, and even though i know what or who that is, maybe i'm just too chicken to admit it to myself. i need a brain defrag!

put me to sleep evil angel...

carpe noctem

What happened last month?

huh?

Evil angel

this is a song by the group within temptation:

as i listened to the song, i wondered. i might have had a few angels of my own... just like the one in the song... enjoy reading... and to my angels, i ask: "what happened to your wings?"

Sparkling angel I believe
You were my savior in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
All the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
No mercy no more.
No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why?
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
No mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
It doesn't give you a reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

alas, i believe that all things do come to an end, and my time with my angels did too.

carpe noctem.

The day of mourning: recap

why is it that i think every year, my day gets worse than ever? i have this brooding feeling deep inside of me. it doesn't make any sense, as i have no idea what's the cause of this dark manifestation. every year, it's there. it's like an annual deep penance of some sort.

there are usually three parts to this so called uh, depression. the calm, the storm and the rainbow. i wonder if the third one actually arrives. it's one mental storm after another.

through the years, i've gotten used to the fact that my life is normal when there's something bothering me. i find it weird that i'll have a day without a problem, some kind of frustration, or any other negative feeling. that's just the way it is with me i guess. i wonder where this is leading to. i have one guess though: mental breakdown!

nothing like spending your birthday alone eh? well not alone physically, but maybe emotionally. most greetings are like empty shells, beautiful on the outside but with a void inside. after the greeting, it's gone. i'd like to point out that some weren't though. those are from people who cared about this lost soul, people who, have one way or another influenced, swayed, and changed the course of my life.

nah, it just must've been one of my days... i don't feel like writing much tonight so carpe noctem for now.

Total negligence?

so much for my plans of making my "fish" blog. work's taking over my life again yearrgg! anyway, i guess i'll never have a REAL rest from it unless i get sick, go blind, disabled or something. what a grisly thought, but i'll keep that in mind heheh.

a recap of my uh... so called weekend:

i've been thinking about getting myself a little something for my birthday. it's coming up in a few days and what better way to spoil myself than to get something hmmm "slightly expensive", something of use to me. how about... a small sling bag/pouch to store all my everyday stuff (mp3 player, cellphone, flash drive, rechargeable batteries). the truth is, i had one about a year ago and i cherished that bag (sentimental value). sadly, for no apparent reason, it, and the other stuff that were given to me by a certain someone, broke. ironic, but i must not stray off to another topic harhar. that's another story, so back to the bag thing. i talked to kitty last week and she suggested a brand, so off i went to the mall last sunday and looked for that bag. along with my pal zemperor, i browsed at the bags on display. grinning as i saw the big ass sign saying SALE, i continued checking out for a particular brand. (i'll write more about this later?)

i don't feel like writing my head out today...

it's as if... nah...

must be the stress, the pressure, the eystrain... i need a shrink!... "vhot do you see in ze picture?" or, "so tell me... vhot comes in to your mind vhen i say... ". hmm all these insanity will come to an end eventually. maybe all i need is something to bring me back to the real world harhar (phil. volley team spike?) nyahaha... whoops... ok too much info! yearggg! brain overload...

please excuse me for ranting, but what's this blog for anyway? maybe it's time to stop ranting and move to griping hehe..

anyway, tonight's kinda slow. i'm happy to say that my little minnow of an arowana is finally eating superworms. no more sleepless nights thinking that my new acquisition might be floating in the fish tank the next day due to starvation. my ornate dragonfin is doing well too.

hmmm...

say, i'm back to my old hobby of reading novels whee! zemperor and i were digging over at a used books store and we hit paydirt! two magic: the gathering novels (which i consider very rare), the shattered alliance and onslaught. this could only mean one thing: bookworm mode on! i have this "i don't stop reading 'till i finish the book" character and boy, i'm going to feel the effect sleep loss again. geek-o! whoopee, waitaminnit, who borrowed my nemesis novel? wahhh. i guess i'll be hitting the bookstores again next weekend , who knows what i'll find (hopefully that nintendo game guide i saw, guaranteed uber classic).

i'll cut short my entry today, i have to get back to my book hehehe...

carpe noctem for now. where's my captain bawang?

Thish ish shparta!

what can i say... my pal king leonidas had some irish accent in him lol... more to come... just being lazy again. this has no place in spartan society so... timeout for now...

ok here comes the continuation!

look! body partsh flying around! a jab here, a jab there... harhar

i didn't allow for the chance to pass not to watch that movie, thank goodness i'm in day shift these days. logging out at exactly 6:01pm and rushing to the mall to watch the bloodbath really paid off. watching the killing was really a relaxing experience... maybe i was passively thinking that the same should be done to some people at work hehehe... hmm death by phalanx... i wonder if i could round up a couple of people who share the my sentiment... woooppsie!

i must say that they really grabbed that movie out of the novel itself. i came upon a blog a few weeks ago and it really compared the scenes and the novel pages, the similarity was hmmm in a mr. burns manner of saying "excellent" (rubbing hands together).

another thing i must point out, everything was in wooosh! fast-transition- wuuush... slow-mo... sort of like a "the matrix" style of movement. that really accentuated the violence... hmm and event the oracle's dance harharhar... and that... other scene... you know.

going back to violence, spartans really are bred for war. that part where they were killing off wounded persians while king leo was munching on an apple? very nice. it was if as though killing was a norm for them. "we've been sharing our culture with you this morning", nyahaha. tough as they were, the portrayals of those spartan boys brought them out as, hmm slightly arrogant. oh well, they did have the fighting prowess so i guess they earned the bragging rights.

by the way, what's with xerxes and the deep voice, body like a giant's, that attitude? soooo faggoty. that' a "god-king"? more like a gay king... anyways, he should have been this ruthless war-like king whatever, not that kind of uh, big guy but weakling thing.

the movie was slightly short, basing on the war scenes, so i'm hoping there'll be like 10,000 movie where the rest of the spartan army kicked persian behind. how about the other resulting battles? it's period movie season anyway so why not make a continuation or something?

by the way, 300 just kicked off gladiator as my all time blood spewing, limb dismembering, gut wrenching, and all other kinds of violence movie. woohooo kudos to the spartans.

will there be a celebrity deathmatch episode featuring maximus vs. king leonidas? that'd be soooo sweet. i'm crossing my fingers and toes for this. maybe i'll be given the privilege to witness this spectacle one of these days.

when's 300's dvd coming out? i want to get one hehehe...

fyi: somebody told me 300 wasn't gory enough. hmmm is that true or ehem, that somebody's violence level is just off the roof harhar.

ok the wait's over, i've watched the film. time to move on to the next movie, tranformers, coming july so.. only a few months more whoppee!!! i sure hope mr bay knows what he's doing. please, no blasphemy.

ok... this is carpe noctem, see you on july for the next uh... movie review.

Busy Is An Understatement v2.0

talk about being busy.

well here i am again after nearly a month of uh... "inactivity". it seemed that the word rest didn't quite exist in my vocabulary for the month of february. dumdeedee what to do now? it's idle time as a feverishly tap on my keyboard while making this post. defining idle time? it's me being in a state of doing nothing or not yet doing nothing. if i were on my nest (bed) right now, i'd fall asleep for sure.

i'm enjoying this shortlived vacation, thanks to the chest pains i've been having for the past days. the doc said i'd take some days off and well what do you know, it's the friggin weekend. i'll skip work tomorrow since i have a few lab exams lined up, hopefully they'll be done by lunch time so i'll have the afternoon to rest (rest?). it makes me want to think where i got these ailments but what the hell, i got a few days off in return. maybe i'm just stressed out, or maybe i just want to inflict physical pain on a certain s.o.b. (funny, since yesterday the attendant at the clinic abbreviated my ailment as shortness of breath haha).

ok sickness aside, i'm (we) are finally starting on project stepping-stone, so more details of this will be found on the "official" project stepping-stone blog, to be uh.. opened sometime this month. i must say that things are going smoothly for now, with a demo presentation due in a couple of days. i'm crossing my fingers that our clients will be impressed and hopefully seal the deal.

fish hobby update: last sunday, i finally found a replacement for my silver aro, a 5" australian golden arowana. i'm still thinking of a name to give the guy so bear with me. i'm still on the process of landscaping my tank so maybe i'll post a few pics after i'm through. i got two sacks of uh... #5 pebbles last friday i'm i spent the night cleaning and slowly placing them in the tank. tank 2.0 looks quite lived in now with the "minnow" and tree of my surviving albino pleco's. i also got my steel aquarium stand for my 24" x 18" x 18", made by a friend of mine. i'll be setting up the other tank within this week. this will be the temporary home of my 9" ornate dragon fin.

hmmm what else?

who's charlotte? heheheh... one clue: she sings like an angel

i need a vacation! i finally got my six (6 GID!) vacation leave credits and i'm looking for a nice remote beach to spend them on. these days of solace will do me good. i hope this future vacation will invigorate me whoopee! one problem though, i'm kinda low in monetary supply as of now so this will have to wait. i have 6 months till my credits expire so hopefully i'll have enough kah-ching saved up for this, but i accept donations too heheh. anyone wanna come?

anyway, this is all for now i guess. i'll be daydreaming about my beach vacation until it becomes a reality. my birthday's coming up, and i'm crossing my fingers that some nice pal of mine will donate some "resources" for my planned trip hahaha.

carpe noctem.

Busy is an understatement

whew... time flies!

i've been quite busy these few weeks so i haven't got the time to write stuff here. a lot of uh... "nuisances" have hit my head and nearly got the best of me. i don't really have to enumerate or POINT at them literally, but better be careful. you might find a bloated body floating down the iloilo river near muelle loney street (did i spell that right?).

whew, i do have backlogs on my entries here. i've made a couple already in the past days but saved them as drafts since i was too lazy to finish and publish them. i'm crossing my fingers that these coming days i'll be able to do so and "release" them on the blue nowhere.

talking about the phrase "thoughts in chaos" made me do some serious thinking a few hours ago. maybe it's time for my so called "rantings" to be more generalized, organized or whatever, so i'm planning on making additional blogs, one for the techy stuff and another about my fish hobby. we'll see if this takes effect seeing how buzy (busy?) i am right now.

going back to the part about my fish hobby, i finally got my new 48"x18"x18" tank last wednesday. ironically, loft wasn't around to jump in to the new tank. i moved the him to a temporary styro container and the next day, voila! i got an 18" paperweight floating inside the box. carpe noctem buddy, i know you're in fish heaven already. i'll be spending the next few weeks canvassing for loft's replacement. i've alreay thought of a new codename for the new guy so i'll be posting that thingy at my new fish blog in the future.

as for the tech blog, i'll be writing about future system developing projects. a little something for me to look back when i'm retired i guess. that leaves me with 36 years of blogging left. my years and numbered... tick tick tick...

hmmm have i left out something?

anyway, this is the second (really?) time i've blogged in this early. lately i've noticed that i couldn't make myself stay up till sunrise, so this might be a major change in my blogging schedule. i haven't seen a pattern yet so time will tell of there will be any.

i'm looking for my party confetti right now. after 6 months, i've successfully bred my first batch of super worms! yesterday i went to the mall, visited a photo developing shop and got a bagful of old film canisters at 3 pieces for a peso. i started batch 2 of my superworm breeding program this afternoon with 150 individuals, 300% of what i've originally started with last year. i'm crossing my fingers that this will be a successful batch, and hopefully by the time i get a new fish, they'll be ready for feeding.

hmmmm, lately i've been listening to a new genre of metal called "folk metal". it's a mixture of metal and traditional folk music influenced by the band's ethnic roots(i'm not sure if i used the right term for this). it's like symphonic metal with a touch of musical history so i'm enjoying the new material that i'm listening to right now. i recently got a copy of turisas' album "battle metal" and so far i've been listening to it over and over again. this week i'm checking with a good pal of mine to see if he has new goodies.

carpe i'm enjoying psp's right now so... carpe noctem for now hahaha!

It's been a while...

since i made a new entry... i guess i've been busy doing other stuff. work was killing me, ahh the pressures of a not so high paying job. ironic, but being an optimist(for now), i say "just charge this to experience", mumble some profane innuendo to myself and continue on.

nothing to really write about last weeks happenings at work. just the usual code monkey stuff, tapping my keyboard for code that sometimes even i don't understand. at this point i must say that the project i've mentioned a few posts back, the one that i've been bleeding and frying brain cells for since december, has finally been finished. big whoop? not! i guess i'll still be working on it until it runs smoothly, so back to the debugging board.

holy it's 3am? i glance at my pc's clock and grin as i see the date, january 22, a week to go and then is payday again! i'lll finally get some cash to add to my fish tank budget. maybe i'll go meet up with the tank dealers this week and give them the specs for my aquarium. loft's nearly 18 inches now and his old tank is getting to small for him.

the five working days flew past by quickly, and i'm thankful i survived forty five butt flattening hours of staring at my pc and debugging that evil payroll project. saturday came and it was back to the lab back at school for my class. only five of my students showed up, and four submitted their projects for checking.

here's something nice, i finally got some spare time and i got to go out with a very good friend of mine. kitty and i had a lot of catching up to do, so we decided to meet up and grab a bite to eat. the first plan was to get some hotdogs, a few drinks and chat away until dark, but when kitty and i met we weren't really that hungry so we went somewhere and talked and talked and talked. when our tummies finally rumbled for nourishment, we decided to get our dogs. unfortunately, we got too carried away with our chat session and when we got to our hotdog stand, it was already closed wahhh!

kitty and i decided to go to mundo and get some pasta for dinner yumm! the same funny thing happened, we chatted the night away, and before we knew it, our waiter indirectly asked us to leave by handing us our bill, saying they have to close already. it seemed as if we weren't running out of things to talk about, kitty and i. we laughed as we left the resto, saying that the waiter must've been relieved that we finally left. i forgot to tell her about the toss coin bit so maybe next time when we hang out again, i'll do that. nice going girl, you gave me that idea in the first place!

i'm grinning as i type in this post, since i'm chatting with kitty over irc. we're thinking of meeting again, but time will tell when and where. it would start with "hey kitty, i'm hungry, wanna grab someting to eat?" i'm sure this line will make her laugh. i hope i'm not ruining your diet eheheh, maybe we'll talk over pizza next time. i've been craving for it for the past few days so what do you think?

anyway, it's getting early(4am?) so i'm going to finish writing here, thank kitty for that wonderful time and say, "it's been a while, carpe noctem", for now...

Temporary satisfaction

i'm sure everyone at one point in their peon-like existence has, in one way or another felt the euphoric pleasure of accomplishing a terrabyte like task. it's like atlas finally being relieved of the world off his shoulders, a titanic task being concluded.

before throwing out the confetti, lighting up the fireworks and bringing out the booze, better make sure the celebration isn't premature. i remember that phrase we excessively used back in high school, "you rejoiced to soon". just when you think that your problems are over, another one surfaces out of nowhere, it appears out of thin air, as if it's illegal for one to be happy even in the shortest of time. well? somebody out there must really hate me since it's happening to me regularly whheeee! the fates must be against me in, maybe in the next full moon, it'll all change.

ok enough with the garble, the gibberish and the nonsense. i find it frustrating at times, just when you're about to relish the victory, in comes another skirmish. ever had that feeling just when you're about to lick the sweet icing off a mouth watering pastry, it falls off your hand? makes one want to spurt out all kinds of happy words with funny characters when keyed in text like f#$k or whatever, kick the living heck out of a industrial size frying pan or much worse, a rice cooking pot hahaha.

ahh the ironies of life! there's this saying "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" right? allow me to rephrase in my own p.o.v.: "what doesn't kill us, makes us go insane". "welcome to the loony farm child, would you like your straight jacket to be neon green or with polka dots"? this'll make me a perfect candidate for patient number 12182001 at the local psych ward, and it comes with a cool 6'x6'x6' cell without windows, a bed and a toilet whee! open space to roll around drooling and wall space to bang my head, maybe that will put some sanity back.

these trials in our lives, well, mine specifically, are here to test my faith, strength and my sanity(i think this one failed miserably). with these hurdles, there's no run-around, backdoor or underhanded trick to pass by them. i think i'll just run them down instead, slap them in the face with a big ass "i will not quit". i got a rad quote from a movie i saw a few months ago, and it was "we fall down so we could learn to pick ourselves up". i think we should have this thought nailed to the back of our heads (ouch!).

PERSEVERANCE! this will get you through the jedi trials, welcome to the rank of jedi knight, padawan! i'm might be slighty overdoing the star wars thing a bit, it's nearly sunday and the empire strikes back will be on tv yippeeee!

my time does fly by, it's nearly the weekend and it's time for writing up my programmer's report for this week. i must say it's been four weeks since i've started working on my com project for the payroll software, and i'm ecstatic that we're finally dry running that component and ironing out the bugs. whew, time to get some well deserved rest. i know from sad experience that some people, seeing what you've done for them, don't really appreciate your work. you've made their job easier and what do they do in return, make more demands for this and that feature! yearrggggggg! a developer's life is not that simple. it takes time and a lot of burned brain cells, so please spare me the pressure. whoops! do i sense griping in this one?

it all adds up to this, i finished my task, i could've made a backflip but then my boss would permanently label me crazy. yipppeee! this accomplishment could and would lead to another task, so bring in on. i'll just sing " it's a bittersweet, symphony this life..." while tackling the next problem.

carpe noctem and don't let the bad bugs bite! kill the bugs!

Very amusing

i find the idea of teaching at my age quite interesting. first of all, it's a fun experience, and i only do it on weekends and second, (wait i think this should be the first) it's a chance to scrounge up some extra cash (sound of cash register opening!). fortunately there isn't any age gap issues because i'm three years older than my students. there isn't, is there? the only issue i can see is their course is not uh, very "technical". i find it a challenge though slightly hard to let them relate to the scripting and coding lessons taken up in class but we're getting somewhere.

funny, since some people have the idea that teachers are supposed to be old. i'm sure there are a lot of "battle hardened" veterans out there of whose wisdom we could all benefit from, but this is the new generation. there are a lot of up and coming educators that are rookies, but can also share their knowledge to their students. here's another funny thing, yesterday the new work student at the office wouldn't give me the keys to the lab because only teachers are allowed to get them. wahhh i had enjoyed the effort of convincing her that i was the teacher.

flashback! hmm, 2 years back i remember someone told me, "i'd like it if you grew your hair long again". oh well i did, unfortunately she'll never get to see her wish anyway, so i got a haircut and parted with my long black beauties. i didn't like the idea of hearing people say "you have longer hair than some of your students" and "how do you expect students to follow the dress code if you don't". ahhh fudge them, dress code schmess code, it's according to students' academic capability, not the clothes their wear?! this is the sad truth that some educators fail to heed. well, this is the point that i stop griping about this dress code issue and continue on with my post. hopefully the work student will give me the keys without any more complications next week.

it's goodbye ponytail and hello hair gel for me. time to get creative and mess up my hair haha. you might say i'm obsessed with my hair, since i have a hair care budget. it's been a year and a half since i last used gel, and i found out the gel i always used have changed it's name two times already(weird!). maybe for old times' sake i'll treat myself to some finesse hair care stuff... (very weird). i'm sure this move will make the hair god smile down on me. bless you, for you have purchased hair care goodies!

this just hit me, this is the first post i've done at 9pm, since most of them i did in the wee hours of the morning. ok just i'm bored, but shouldn't i be tweaking with my pet project at work? maybe in a while, the manaña habit is kicking again, thanks to my spanish ancestors. the good this is i got it working last friday, so i'll just have to iron out some bugs later. squish!

still bored...

yawn...

i look up the ceiling and see my "you should be working" sign, ah fudge it. i'm going outside to feed loft and kraken, to kill time. maybe i'll get entertained watching them feed and swim around. time to whip up another batch of super worms from the feeds box then.

saying out loud "i'm bored!" didn't help either. unfortunately my mum was passing by my room and heard me blurt that out, so she came in my room and said "bored? the dishes are waiting at the sink to entertain you" noooo! oh well it's off to the kitchen for me, i think i'll take my iriver with me so i can clean the dishes with the aura of l'amme immortelle's music in my head.

lesson learned for this evening: when you're bored, idle or whatever, keep it to yourself. lazy!

carpe noctem!

That thing about glasses

well? it has been a week of nonstop coding, and i'm near back dive point. some lessons i've learned in this "happy" crusade of mine, is to persevere, never give up, have faith, and whatever saying that i've left out. well, as my boss said, if we developers are the holy warriors, then the enemy are bugs, program bugs, that is. "kill the infidels!", then we all laughed.

a little humor while working to keep us from crossing, to the "dark side". mind you, how in the world could we key in our code if we're in straight jackets? there's a fine line dividing sanity and wearing straight jackets, and i prefer not to cross that in the meantime. well, maybe a skippity hop or two across sometimes wouldn't hurt. i plead guilty to temporary insanity your honor, could you make my jacket a polka dotted one?

all this stress caused my braincells to go on strike. sometimes i might be seen staring blankly at my monitor, my mind elsewhere on vacation without my body. surely, i couldn't afford both at this financial state of mine. like now...

(pause)

(pause still...)

now, back to the glasses thing. some people think that having glasses are geeky, nerdy or whatever but i find glasses, uh... nice? maybe that's an understatement. as far as i can remember (whoa! that's a feat for me!), i have this thing for girls wearing glasses. ask anyone who knows me very well (hmm i can count them with my fingers) . why? glasses make girls look more mature, jump them to the ladies "definition". having them stereotypes a person into being a brainy one right? well there's nothing more attractive than a girl who's smart.

maybe it's a fetish, *grins.

ok you might say i'm only saying that because *girl_a* or *girl_b* has glasses. could be, hey does *bleep* have glasses? hmm she looks great with them, the glasses accentuate her eyes and her cute nose. (bato bato sa langit, sana hindi lang siya ma tamaan). i'm sure this will start a controversy, who are the variable girls? happy guessing, and keep in mind, i might have made them up.

maybe (here i go again) one of these days, she might come across this post and say, "hey is this me?" feel free to leave a comment and i'd gladly tell you if it is. you like blogs remember? well this post might be for you then, because you look great with your glasses. whoops!

no more clues.

right now i wonder, it's 2 in the morning and i'm still racking my head on what to do to solve my program's problem. i'll probably wonder why i got glued to writing this post. maybe i just wanted to say that i liked seeing those glasses and the lady behind them, and i couldn't find a creative way of saying that, so i ranted it here. maybe i'll tell her the next time i see her hehe... maybe.

looking back, i think another someone would look great wearing glasses. i couldn't tell her that anyway.

i just realized i have a class 6 hours from now so carpe noctem. i'll be going to that place where nightmares infest my mind and then i'll wake up later all sweaty and in a bad mood. i might give a lab exam in class haha

*girls' names were changed to protect MY privacy (aha)

The irony of songs

at some insane instance a few years back, i got lazy (or too lazy in this case) and set my winamp playlist to autorun on my pc. well tonight, i think winamp got back to me with its shuffled playlist, but first a little background on why i had this specific post title.

going hmm, 57 years to the past, disney released their 12th animated feature film, cinderella. as we all know, this company is notorious for including a lot of songs into their toons, and i'd like to focus on a single song, "a dream is a wish your heart makes". for those not familiar with the lyrics, you can google it if you want to.

ok, back to the song. am i just griping again over something or someone? you bet can bet your monthly incentives on that because i am. why? waking up in the morning after dreaming on stuff that aren't and won't ever come true is sickening. just in the middle of the part where it all seems so real, woosh! i wake to the sad reality of my existence haha pathetic. it's as if i'm being haunted by these memories (why as if? i won't admit it for now *grins*). where's my memory lapse magic the gathering spell card? i sure could use one on me. anyway, this song only works for the happy people of wonderland, i guess. the last lines: "no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true". well tell me o cinderella, i've been dreaming something fierce and still i'm in the same state. better for you since you have your fairy god mother and her wand of magic. how about me? is there like a genie or something who could zap up something nice for me?

haha give me a break, and please, let me sleep, it's my only relief from the endless suffering.

jumping to my winamp turning on me, it started playing two of my favorite songs, the end of heartache by killswitch engage, and the art of letting go by valley of chrome. hmm, music to crush an already broken heart? reflecting on their lyrics, i just think, maybe singing these both out loud might relieve some of the pain. guess again, it's almost two in the morning and my screaming results to my door being banged by my folks telling me to shut up. (turning on me yet i said those songs are my favorites, negate this, negate that!)

nothing like a breakup to derail the gravy train called love.

i hear another song playing, def leppard's when love and hate collide. my my, what does one do when these feelings lurk in the dark crevices of one's head? like a caged demon waiting to be unleashed, an unseen evil, whispering lies, spreading doubt, and sowing seeds of hate into the fertile grounds of our thoughts. it transforms one into a shadow of one's former self. hey, it's happening to me already... i feel the crops taking root. anyway, i do my best to keep my promises, so it's weeding time.

a great love can easily be turned into a great hate (is this even a statement?).

maybe i should go see a shrink.

maybe i should stop listening to these songs.

maybe i should rename this post to "the irony of maybe".

maybe i should heed my own advice to my friends, practice what i preach? a wise person once told me, "only you can help yourself". i'll tell that person later that the peso spent for telling me that was worth it.

maybe one of these days, i'll even tell another person that i kept my promises no matter what.

i'm tired, and sleepy. my code still isn't finished. it's not even working.

carpe noctem for now, and alt+tab back to coding.

New Year?

well, nothing like starting a new year with something new? hmmm... what to say? how about... a new blog? what to write in this blog? i have nooooo idea.

i was toying with the idea for quite some time and maybe now's the time to do so... a new blog, something to work on online if i have nothing else to do but write senseless rantings and thoughts of a troubled mind. first of all, it took me more than 20 minutes just to register to blogger yearrg! thanks to that rather large quake that rocked taiwan a few days ago, my internet connection is slower (how can i make slower uh... slower? UBER slow?) than usual. even cnn's headline regarding that, "taiwan quake sends the philippines to pre-internet days" made me laugh. back to the 1980's?

whew! maybe this year a miracle will happen and i'll get to have dsl (choir singing!). just thinking of the fast connection makes me grin. why? imagine what one can do with that speed? let's cruise the information superhighway, shall we?... whoops let's make a pitstop at isohunt.com. checking the new releases will surely occupy most of my freedom. it's kinda funny, now that i can afford dsl, guess what, there's no dsl connection here... back to the OLD dsl, (dialup sa landline) as my friend used to say. a whopping 31.2 kbps all to myself, very sarcastic. maybe a few prayers to the bandwidth god will boost up my speed, in my dreams.

i'm slightly stuffed right now, since i have been pigging out on the spag that we made this afternoon. it's digestion time, and maybe when there's cleared space in there, i'll help myself to some cake. there's nothing like pigging out on new year's eve. they say, that whatever you do on new year's eve, you'll be doing for the whole year. i guess i'll be eating spag, making blog entries and racking my brains on converting four php functions to visual basic then. the latter makes me wonder, are you still sane? quoting my mentor at work, he says, "you can do it, dude", and "take it slow, relax" and when i couldn't take it anymore he says "try doing a back dive" haha.

firefox 2.0 has a neat spell checking feature, i just noticed that it underlines "i'll", hmmm why? ooh... interesting, it allows "I'll" but not "i'll". ok i'm getting sidetracked! these issues on grammar and spell checks made me remember something, and i'm grinning right now. press f7 please!

i was watching episode iii: revenge of the sith's back to back premier on star movies a while ago, and just when the good part was about to start, obi wan kenobi's duel with the now twisted anakin skywalker, "only the sith rule in..." pffttt... brownout! whoopeedoo, the electric company decided to go a.w.o.l. on their services. looks like a BIG tree branch fell on a power line, again. that's their alibi. how about fixing the problem so i could finish watching the swish, swoosh and wungs or watever sounds light sabers make in action? as if i haven't watched episode iii for more than a dozen times already, which reminds me, where's my pirated vcd copy arrr...

this new year, i have quite a few resolutions... whoops, i made myself raise an eyebrow, resolutions you say? hahaha. it's been a good year, and the torrent trackers and seeders (pause, seeders... hahaha) have been very nice. all those downloads have made my hard drive cluttered will all kinds of stuff, so one of them will be to "arrange" my files and place them in proper order. this goes double for my .mp3's. all must follow the artist - album - track number leading zero - song title format. the artists have been busy releasing new albums... thanks for the freebies harharhar, viva la torrents!

here's another resolution, save up some cash (which is slightly difficult if one doesn't have something to start saving with) for my 14" aro, loft. he's been growing fast since i first got him last april. nothing like feeding your fish live lizards, super worms and chicken hearts to fatten him up. he's with my ornate dragon fin, kraken, ironic name since he's a wee bit smaller than what his name signifies. a nice 48" x 18" x 18" tank will give them both more living space.

something tells me that this is going to take some time, i've got like 23 years worth of blog entries still waiting to be posted hahaha.

looking back at what i've posted, i say to myself, i should have done this a loooooong time ago, or maybe this post is something that's been inside my head, that i wanted to get out. i'll save some thoughts for the next entries so they won't be bare, and that's just with my head. in my heart, there's something else...

it's three a.m. so maybe this is the part where i say, i'm getting sleepy, and i have a lot of code to finish so carpe noctem for now. (post says 7pm? i forgot to change the timezone)